December 14, 2013 § Leave a comment
I was really angry this time, but it was more than anger. And I was right. So very right.
It was rage, I was enraged in a way that was blinding and enlightening at the same time, because it seemed so obvious that I was right and everyone else was wrong. My rage was justified and my mind was clear as crystal, sharp as a tack. There was nothing else but it and me, and together we became a beautiful bubble of righteousness that nothing in this world could destroy. Like radioactive superheroes or mole men, my rage and I would last forever, our bond made stronger by a desire for ruthless and sweet revenge.
It had become apparent in the last five minutes that everyone else was a jerk. They didn’t listen to me, making them double, nay triple jerks, assholes really.
It was time to show my rage and they would know, by virtue of the intensity of my anger, how right I am. And they will come to realize this as I have, because I am so right and they are so wrong. And they would understand finally that I am a near god and they are substrata fecal matter mixed in with a bit of buttonhole juice.
So I did it. I pressed send. The email make that swoosh sound and I knew I could not take it back. Ever. And almost immediately my resolve started to wane and my righteousness felt like a crazy, psychotic bitch raging for no reason.
I couldn’t concentrate, so I kept checking my emails. Maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe I really was wrong or maybe I was making too big a deal of it. I felt flushed and embarrassed. I slouched into my seat hoping that nobody could see me behind the cubicle wall. I imagined people would start to look at me in that funny way if I walked down the hallway, whispering behind my back and walking around me to avoid me. I was feeling nervous and guilty about my impending loss of dignity.
And finally, 15 minutes later: “I guess I forgot I was supposed to update my end-of-month attendance today. Thanks for reminding me. It’s done.”
And then another: “Omg. I forgot too. Glad you reminded me.”
And another one: “Oops :)”