Santa Claus Is Like God Or Jesus, Only Fatter

December 19, 2013 § 1 Comment

‘Tis the season and all that stuff. It’s great and confusing all at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the bright lights, the decorated dead trees, and the ability to take extensive lunch breaks because managers are not around. I love that winter is just beginning and going outside after a snowfall only to be met by shiny new snow and unusual quietness. Stillness.

But the traditions are all wrong, especially that fat jolly Coca-Cola Santa Claus with those damned rosy cheeks squeezing through a skinny chimney. First of all, not likely. Second of all, no sane person would believe that Santa Claus exists or rides a sled in the sky pulled by reindeers or lives in the North pole ’cause who would. Really. 

But Santa is fun and I love him. He’s nice to have around as long as we all understand it’s pure fabrication, a playful character we all enjoy just like we might enjoy the Grinch or carols. He’s the teddy bear we all loved as a child.

So far, so good.

Then there’s Jesus and all of his neurotic baggage, but what can you expect from a man whose mother claimed her son came from a virgin birth. But those are side issues to the real issue, which is that Jesus and his dysfunctional family, are made up and never existed in any physical or historical way. So again, as long as we accept that, then it’s all hunkydory in my view.

And really, who rises from the dead anyway? It’s an allegory, just like his life is. And that’s okay, but it is not and probably never was intended to be taken literally.

But here’s where I struggle.

Believing in Jesus or God is no different than believing in Santa Claus and both are equally unbelievable. An adult who believes in Jesus or God but doesn’t believe in Santa Claus is being insincere. If it’s ridiculous to believe in Santa Claus, it should be ridiculous to believe in Jesus or God.

I take that as a reasonable and constant position in my life, a foundation if you will to my belief system grounded I like to think in rationality, and yet I found out only recently that it hasn’t always been the case.

Last year, around this time I asked my mother if I believed in Santa Claus as a child and she said YES!! This woman, a staunch atheist who always dismissed religion without much deliberation, told me as a child that Santa Claus was real.

This blew my mind. It shook me in the same way that I was shaken when Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore or when I found out that humans are descendants of tiny creatures from outer space. My foundations are all screwed up now. I think I will go eat something big now, like a pyramid of Oreo cookies.

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