Why Overeating Is Better Than Smoking Crack

February 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

I have terrible eating habits. It’s a fact. Dinner might be Oreo cookies, a Tootsie roll pop, a bowl of Fruit Loops and salami (hot Calabrese only please). I can easily eat an entire pumpkin pie in a day or several bags of chips. Today, for instance, I had chicken wings with suicide sauce, blue cheese and a Coke for breakfast. For breakfast folks! « Read the rest of this entry »

Why Dry Cleaners Give Me A Funny Feeling (In a Bad Way)

February 9, 2014 § 1 Comment

I don’t like dry cleaners. You may be asking yourself: how is it possible for someone not to like a place where other people clean your dirty clothes for you? Because I do like it when someone else cleans my home from top to bottom or does my piles of laundry without question. I fact I love it. I love it when someone else cooks for me (and does the dishes), or drives me to where I want to go or fixes things that are broken in my home. So why the grudge against dry cleaners?  « Read the rest of this entry »

How My Dry Cleaner Unintentionally Taught Me A Lesson About Procrastination

January 4, 2014 § Leave a comment

Every day I considered the bag of dirty clothes in a corner of my bedroom. It contained my favourite pants, jackets and tops that I had been planning to bring to the dry cleaners.

They were fall clothes and too light for Toronto winters. I wanted to wear them one final time before the weather turned cold and winter settled in.

Every day I would leave my condo without the laundry bag and walk by the Lucky Charm Dry Cleaners on the way to the subway station. It could wait, I thought.  « Read the rest of this entry »

Flying Dream

December 31, 2013 § Leave a comment

Twice I’ve had a flying dream. The first time I was in my early twenties. I flew high above the ground gliding with little effort over green lush valleys in the sharp sunlight against a bright blue sky. It was a feeling of pure joy that I carried through the rest of the day after I woke up.  « Read the rest of this entry »

I’m Smarter Than I Look

December 27, 2013 § Leave a comment

“I’m smarter than I look,” Paul said while we were having a beer after work. The other two people at the table didn’t seem surprised by this statement, but I was and it must have shown all over my face. My eyes and eyebrows felt like they shifted up a bit on my head wormlike.

Paul doesn’t look dumb, so I assumed he meant he is pretty smart or at least he thinks he is. He is. It is a widely agreed to fact at work. He knows everything, and I mean everything, about how government works. Legislation, regulations, committees, who is who now and who was who back in 1986, and everything in between. Ask him anything and he always knows. He’s never wrong.  « Read the rest of this entry »

Santa Claus Is Like God Or Jesus, Only Fatter

December 19, 2013 § 1 Comment

‘Tis the season and all that stuff. It’s great and confusing all at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the bright lights, the decorated dead trees, and the ability to take extensive lunch breaks because managers are not around. I love that winter is just beginning and going outside after a snowfall only to be met by shiny new snow and unusual quietness. Stillness.

But the traditions are all wrong, especially that fat jolly Coca-Cola Santa Claus with those damned rosy cheeks squeezing through a skinny chimney. First of all, not likely. Second of all, no sane person would believe that Santa Claus exists or rides a sled in the sky pulled by reindeers or lives in the North pole ’cause who would. Really.  « Read the rest of this entry »

When Failing

December 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

We were half an hour into the meeting when someone asked, “What’s the objective of this meeting?” We had been taking about the rumour that there might be a department reorganization instead.

I had called the meeting, but I sincerely could not remember anymore why. It must have been important because Paul was there and he was usually only called in on an emergency basis to deal with crises that required problem solving, something he excelled at. His time was precious and had to be called on only sparingly, on an as needed basis.  « Read the rest of this entry »

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