Why Overeating Is Better Than Smoking Crack

February 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

I have terrible eating habits. It’s a fact. Dinner might be Oreo cookies, a Tootsie roll pop, a bowl of Fruit Loops and salami (hot Calabrese only please). I can easily eat an entire pumpkin pie in a day or several bags of chips. Today, for instance, I had chicken wings with suicide sauce, blue cheese and a Coke for breakfast. For breakfast folks! « Read the rest of this entry »

Santa Claus Is Like God Or Jesus, Only Fatter

December 19, 2013 § 1 Comment

‘Tis the season and all that stuff. It’s great and confusing all at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the bright lights, the decorated dead trees, and the ability to take extensive lunch breaks because managers are not around. I love that winter is just beginning and going outside after a snowfall only to be met by shiny new snow and unusual quietness. Stillness.

But the traditions are all wrong, especially that fat jolly Coca-Cola Santa Claus with those damned rosy cheeks squeezing through a skinny chimney. First of all, not likely. Second of all, no sane person would believe that Santa Claus exists or rides a sled in the sky pulled by reindeers or lives in the North pole ’cause who would. Really.  « Read the rest of this entry »

When Your Day Goes Badly

December 3, 2013 § Leave a comment

Today was a soul crushing, life sucking, mind bending (in a bad way), excruciating day.

Maybe I’m taking it too hard. I am thin skinned after all. In every sense because my skin turns bright red if I am embarrassed or flustered or if it is touched only a few times. Or maybe I am right and even some hard ass black belt Navy Seal type would consider this a really shitty day. I just don’t know what it was objectively, but I do know that emotionally it was devastating.  « Read the rest of this entry »

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